White belt blues

I heard that originally Osensei did not want to have "belts" within aikido because it was counter to the philosophy of the practice and would encourage competition. I am not sure if this is true, however, ranks do exist and cause similar hierarchical dilemmas as status/prestige/titles create in other arenas in life.
As kyus currently exist, one trains for a certain number of hours/days until one encounters the techniques included on the next exam and has had sufficient time to prepare for them. Thus, the time between exams increases as one progresses and the kyu exam "measures" additional requirements and skill. Of course, one is often not asked to take the exam until passing it is assured.
I think that in many ways they are beneficial, forcing you to dissect techniques and challenge yourself to move beyond completing them during training to being able to demonstrate them in front of your peers. The focus your practice and intensify it.
However, since I have moved dojos many times, I have not taken my exams by any set calendar. Indeed I have found that different dojos have different ways of pursuing exams and varied expectations. It is another challenge in and of itself not to judge myself for not "progressing" as fast as my friends from my beginning class who stayed at the same dojo and have been able to continue accruing ranks. Does the fact that they have completed the test make them better than me at aikido? Is that what kyu exams are supposed to do? Why do they matter? Is it the sense of accomplishment? the ability of the Sensei to have a yardstick for your progress? Does not taking them say something about my practice?
I would like to have the opportunity to take another test- to hone my skills and challenge myself. However, as I will be moving once again this fall, such things seems unlikely. So my "test" will be to learn patience. Hopefully I will still be doing aikido in 20 years and will look back on the hurry I was in to "progress" and laugh at myself.


Being a white belt can be challenging, particularly at events with people who you don't know. I think many assume that you just walked on the mat the other day and don't realize that you may have been training for years. This influences how they treat you, and, with some folks, even whether they train to you at all. It is hurtful, because all I want to do is give both myself and my partner a valuable learning experience. This is hampered when I can tell they would prefer to train with another black belt- it makes me feel less valuable. Although I have heard many say that working with a white belt is a gift (working with anyone is a gift because everyone is different) because they help you to rediscover parts of aikido those who have been training for years may take for granted- what is preached is not always practiced. I often think that without training with those who have been doing this longer, it will be harder to get to the point they are at, where they would want to train with me. Aikido is a growing art, I think new students, semi-new students, and old students are all essential to its continuing development. While I want black belts to benefit from the experience and have time to train with one another, I wish they would remember what it felt like for them to be a white belt, and take more imitative to turn to us and say "onegaishimas" (however it is spelled) with enthusiasm and sincerity.
I know that there are many black belts who do this every day, and I thank them. Additionally, in many dojos, this practice is one that is considered a virtue by the senseis. But every so often, even there, I look around and see all the white belts training together every time (which isn't necessarily bad) and I wonder . . .