from a single drop . . .

the first time i keyed out a flower, i knew that this unlocking of nature's secrets could hold my attention indefinitely, for every path now held new treasures to discover . . .

the first time i tried aikido i caught a glimpse of its incredible depth- like a good wine it appears to gain both grace, complexity, and simplicity with age. it was clear that with each technique, each partner, and each new day it would take on new meanings, it would evolve . . .


there is this intuition, this acknowledgment that occupies my entire being when i initially encounter some things, rare, special things that are akin to art, that are a living practice . . .
they effortlessly convey their manifold essence upon a single taste, at the merest glace

and then, i suppose, it takes a lifetime to engage what was originally hinted at

oozing

Today Wendy Palmer Sensei relayed this quote from Endo Sensei (I believe), "You cannot fully understand aikido until you grow older, so until then, save your body."

In the spirit of healing our bodies, and under the instruction of Glen Leichman Sensei, we allowed ourselves to be tossed over nage's hips, so that we could practice gently dripping down like a tickling waterfall.

Soft ukemi.

It's like magic, from shaping your body and relaxing it, you and the mat refind your oneness without a shocking slap. Melting, melding.

This is an equalizer, reminding me that uke and nage are one, we fall into one another.

Bearing Witness

it is akin to participating.
watching with open heart, smiling mind.
learning.
visualizing.
appreciating.
growing.
also, there is a knowing-- knowing that someone has shaped me, and I them; that the whole dojo is constantly evolving together . . . that this process will continue.
and, in that, there is accomplishment, beauty, and excitement.

how to keep on keepin on

weird, maybe it is life transition
but i find it challenging to want to go train right now
and when i am in the dojo, i am pretty distracted
it is also kinda hard to keep changing dojos, i know i am accumulating a variety of knowledge, but i really miss the old places

anyway, if anyone has adive to help me continue practicing as my time constraints and priorities shift, i'd welcome it

thanks!

High Sierra Poems

Davis Lakes
July 2, 2009

The upwelling of clouds
Over the craggy peaks
Brings with it the roaring hiss
Of icy winds that sting
My skin, still tingling
From immersion in the
Pristine, glassy high sierra cirque
Each and every cell aches
For the sun to poke back
Through the billowy whiteness
So I can store it’s energy
To prepare for yet another plunge
The act of which fulfills
A tiny part of the
Endless cycle where hot meets cold
Which vanishes back into the
brilliant heat again
I shiver, salty sweaty beads
Of water brushed off by the wind
But the cold doesn’t matter at all
Not in a place this worn
And outsized and
Real


Zen and the Art of Mosquito Maintenance
I wonder,
Is it possible to be Zen
About mosquitoes? Even when
They form a hovering anxious
Cloud around your heated frame?
And you anticipate the interminable itch
Accompanied by a most grotesque and
Unnecessary swelling?
But they mean that I must be
somewhere exceedingly wonderful . . .

I’ve killed at least a dozen already.


The Smell of Pine Needles
I think that nowhere is
The sky so blue
Than in a pine forest
The warm crisp smell
Must act as an intoxicant
Allowing us to see the
Rocks, rivers, grass and clouds
In their true nature:
Stark and bold and endless

Dear Two Rock Dojo

Collectively the dojo has shown me that having grace and poise signifies presence and depth. My training with everyone has been open, honest, and exploratory- and engaged journey seeking connection to one another, the self, and the mystery. Although leaving causes me great sadness, I know that the lessons of the last year and a half are imprinted within my cells. Two rock dojo is a special place that radiates the passion and energy of it's dynamic community. I hope to continue upon the path represented by aiki principles, to continue polishing my stone, and remembering to remind myself that "true victory is self victory." I'm excited to train with you again in the future; thanks for all the wonderful moments to build upon!

Memories that live in the body

It is somewhat miraculous, that shaping your body in different ways has the ability to awaken feelings, memories and thoughts trapped beneath the skin, perhaps deep inside muscle tissue. Is it the same with pain? Do certain movements evoke negative synaptic connections while other stir up relaxation?
Well, I rediscovered these sensations two weeks ago during a class focused on flow taught by Grayson Sensei. Instead of beginning with the traditional first technique, tenkan (I should eventually learn how to spell this), we were instructed to try to feel the connection between ourselves and our partner. To focus our attention, our nerves, or feeling the warmth and energy passing between us. The truly incredible thing was although they seemed to be standing still, they were moving! They were impossible to grab! Their arm was in multiple places at once, it felt much like how Herman Hesse's Siddhartha described his river of enlightenment: always within the same river body, yet constantly changing and refreshing.
What were we really doing with this exercise? Allowing energy to flow out of our bodies while receiving another's energy flow. Ki.
What exactly is energy? Why can I sometimes feel it course through my body, making my skin warm? Then again, most of the time I am completely unaware of it. If we are comprised of atoms and atoms are comprised of constantly orbiting particles that have energy- does that mean that on an atomic level we are never truly still? Is it truly a Saotome Sensei describes, that we are reverberations of the big bang, products of eons of evolution, complex packages of highly condensed and specialized matter (and yet still mostly empty space!)? It is more than my mind can contain at this late hour.
Upon feeling the presence of energy in my body, I was reminded of the first time I ever actually noticed its existence-- lying on a table with needles rising from my palms, face, elbows, knees. The first time I received acupuncture it seemed as if little quivers of energy shook just below the surface of my skin; but rapidly this accelerated into vibrations that coursed along my meridians. I was a bit scared, yet mostly awed that such a presence resided within me and I had been completely unconscious of it. When the needles were removed I remember feeling alert yet relaxed at the same time . . .